Liberate Yourself from the Exhaustion of Always Holding It Together

So many of us learned to survive by being in control.

We became the ones who held it all — the plans, the emotions, the unspoken needs.
We stayed alert, responsible, two steps ahead. Not because we wanted to be “in charge,” but because it made us feel safe.

Control was our way of creating order when life felt unpredictable. It helped us manage chaos, avoid disappointment, and feel like we had power — even when things around us felt out of control. But here’s what no one tells you:
Living this way is exhausting.

Meet Maya.

Maya is the one everyone depends on.
She’s thoughtful, organized, and always prepared. She plans the group trips, checks in on everyone, and takes care of things no one even thinks about. But lately, she’s tired — not just physically, but emotionally as well. She feels tense all the time. It’s hard to relax, even when things are going well. She lies in bed, running through mental checklists. She can’t remember the last time she rested. And the truth is, she’s scared to stop. Because if she stops controlling everything… will things fall apart?

That question — “Will everything fall apart without me?” — is at the heart of so many of our trauma responses.

What Control Feels Like in the Body

Control doesn’t just live in our behavior — it lives in our bodies.

• That tightness in your jaw or shoulders

• The racing thoughts that won’t let you sleep

• The shallow breathing you don’t notice until someone reminds you to inhale

• The need to check, fix, manage, and plan constantly

• The way you jump at the slightest change, just in case

It’s not just anxiety. It’s your nervous system trying to protect you from disappointment, from chaos, from harm. And if you grew up in an unpredictable home, had to be the “strong one,” or lived through experiences where safety wasn’t guaranteed, control may have been the only way your body knew how to survive. But you weren’t meant to live in survival mode forever.

The Truth You Deserve to Hear

You don’t have to prove your worth by holding everything together.
You don’t have to stay in a state of hyper-alertness to be safe.
You don’t have to earn your rest.

Safety is your birthright.
It lives inside you, not in how much you manage, anticipate, or perfect.

Letting go isn’t about becoming careless.
It’s about becoming free.

Written Meditation: Practicing Inner Safety

You can read this slowly or record yourself reading it aloud for later use.

Begin by sitting comfortably. Let your body settle.

Take a slow breath in through your nose…
And exhale gently through your mouth.
Do that two more times. Let yourself arrive here.

Now, bring to mind a moment recently when you felt the urge to control.
Maybe it was a conversation, a change in plans, or something unresolved.
Notice what it felt like in your body — the tightening, the holding, the urgency.
Gently place your hand on the part of you that feels most activated.

And now, whisper in your mind or out loud:
I don’t have to hold it all.
I am safe now.
There is room to breathe.

With each breath, imagine a little more space opening up in your body.
You’re not forcing yourself to let go — just softening and just noticing and just being.

If resistance comes up, that’s okay.
This isn’t about perfection.
It’s about creating even one breath of safety where there was once pressure.

When you're ready, say to yourself:
Safety lives in me. I can return to it again and again.

Take one more deep breath.
And gently return.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone.
You are part of a generation learning to stop surviving — and start living.

Liberate yourself.
Not by being perfect.
Not by holding it all together.
But by finally giving your nervous system what it’s been longing for:
Peace.

In liberation,

Luz