Thanksgiving Isn’t Easy for Everyone (And That’s Okay)

For the ones who are tired, tender, and doing their best to make it through the holidays.

The Childhood Roots

Many of us grew up learning that holidays were a performance.
Smile for the pictures.
Pretend everything is fine.
Be “grateful” even if the house felt tense, unsafe, or unpredictable.

We learned early that gratitude was not a feeling—it was a requirement.
So now, as adults, the pressure shows up again.
The expectation to be joyful.
The expectation to act as if nothing hurts.
The expectation to be “thankful” on demand.

But emotional honesty was rarely modeled for us.
And tenderness was rarely allowed.

So we enter holidays carrying the same knots in our stomachs we once held as children—hoping this season will feel different, even when it doesn’t.

The Adult Patterns

As adults, many of us approach Thanksgiving with mixed emotions:

• Some feel deep loneliness surrounded by people.

• Some have no table to sit at—and no one to admit that to.

• Some are grieving someone who is no longer here.

• Some are navigating complicated family dynamics.

• Some are simply exhausted from holding up their lives all year.

Gratitude becomes complicated when your heart is tired.
And when life has been heavy, the command to “be thankful” can feel like one more thing you’re failing at.

But here is the truth:
Not feeling grateful does not make you ungrateful. It makes you human.

A Realistic Reframe

Gratitude is not a performance.
It is not a forced smile.
And it is not a denial of your reality.

Real gratitude is quiet.
It’s tender.
It sits beside your pain—it does not erase it.

Sometimes gratitude sounds like:

“I made it through another day.”
“I’m still standing.”
“I’m not okay, but I’m here.”
“I found one moment of peace today.”

That counts.
That has always counted.

A Therapy Moment

In sessions this time of year, clients often whisper things like:
“I don’t feel thankful. What’s wrong with me?”

And every year, my answer is this:
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Life doesn’t stop being life because the calendar says we should celebrate.
Our bodies remember the things we survived.
Our hearts remember the losses we never expected.
Our nervous systems carry the weight of the year, quietly, every single day.

You are not required to pretend.
You are allowed to feel exactly what you feel.

The Hidden Costs of Holiday Pressure

When gratitude becomes a demand, it creates shame.
When joy becomes an expectation, it creates isolation.

People suffer silently because they think they’re the only ones feeling heavy.

You are not the only one.
You are not behind.
You are not broken.

You are simply carrying a lot—and doing the best you can.
And this season, that is enough.

What Liberation Looks Like

Liberation is allowing yourself to show up honestly.
To not perform happiness.
To not force gratitude.

It is giving yourself permission to be:
tired, hopeful, grieving, numb, peaceful, irritated, reflective, or simply present.

Your worth is not measured by your mood.
Your value is not dependent on your cheerfulness.

You are allowed to be real.
You are allowed to be tender.
You are allowed to be enough, exactly as you are.

Pocket Practice: Name One Thing That Carried You Through

Instead of asking, “What am I grateful for?”
Try a gentler question:

“What helped me survive this year?”

Your answer might be:

• a person

• a moment

• faith

• therapy

• music

• a hot shower

• resilience

• prayer

• clean water

• warm food

• a safe place to sleep

• your breath

• your own strength

Honor that one thing.
Let it be enough.

A Thanksgiving Blessing for the Weary

May this season meet you gently.
May you feel held in the places where you are tired.
May you find small moments of warmth where you expected none.
May you remember that gratitude is not a performance—
it is a quiet noticing of what has kept you alive.

Even if that is only one thing.
Even if that thing is your own courage.

And may you know, deep in your bones,
that you do not have to be thankful to be deserving.
You just have to be here.
And you are.

With love and liberation,

Luz