The “Strong Girl” Survival Story

(Liberate Yourself from the Weight of Carrying It All Alone)

Some women wear “I’m strong” like it’s a badge of honor.
Others wear it like a shield.
I wore mine like armor — polished, impenetrable, and always ready for battle.

But here’s what no one talks about:
That armor often starts in childhood.

When you were small, you needed things — comfort, attention, protection. And maybe you asked… at first. But instead of being met with warmth, you got something else:

• A sigh that said you were “too much.”

• A sharp tone that told you to “stop being so needy.”

• A distracted glance that made you feel invisible.

• Or worse, silence.

Some of us were even told outright, “Don’t you see how much I’m already dealing with?” — as if our needs were an inconvenience.
So, you stopped asking.
You learned to handle it alone.
And without realizing it, you became the “independent child” — the one who never complained, figured it out herself, and carried more than she should have.

How Childhood Independence Becomes Adult Armor

Fast forward to adulthood, and that same instinct still kicks in. You could ask for help… but your body remembers how it felt to be brushed off, shamed, or made into a burden.

So you:

• Say “I’m fine” even when you’re overwhelmed.

• Carry the groceries, the workload, the emotional labor — all by yourself.

• Avoid leaning on anyone because it feels unsafe, uncomfortable, or risky.

It’s not that you don’t have people who might show up for you now — it’s that your nervous system learned long ago that asking leads to hurt.

Therapy Example – The Airport Ride

In therapy, I once worked with a woman who had never asked a friend to drive her to the airport. Not once. She hated the idea of needing anyone.
When we traced it back, she remembered being a little girl asking her mom for a ride to a school event. Her mom snapped, “Figure it out — I’m busy.” She did figure it out — and the pride in “handling it” became part of her identity.

Her first experiment in healing? Asking a friend for that airport ride. It was uncomfortable and vulnerable — she almost canceled — but when she saw her friend waving from the curb, she realized: I’m not a burden. I’m loved.

The Hidden Cost of Strength as Armor

The world celebrates women who can handle everything.
But here’s what you don’t see:

• The exhaustion of carrying it all alone.

• The loneliness of never truly leaning on anyone.

• The constant self-editing to avoid being “too much.”

When strength is built on fear — fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being shamed for needing something — it’s not strength. It’s self-protection in disguise.

What Liberation Looks Like

• Letting someone see you when you’re not polished or in control.

• Asking for help without rehearsing your explanation.

• Resting without guilt.

• Setting boundaries that protect you and allow closeness.

Because real strength isn’t in how much you can carry.
It’s in knowing when to put it down — and letting someone carry it with you.

Pocket Practice:
Notice one place this week where you default to “I’ve got it.”
Pause.
Ask yourself: What would it be like to let someone in here? Even in a small way — letting them carry a bag, help with a task, or listen to you without fixing anything. See if you can stay with the discomfort long enough to also feel the relief.

💌 If you know a strong woman who carries it all alone, forward this to her.
She might not ask for support, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it.

In liberation,

Luz